Tuesday, March 28, 2017

A dream about my Asian masturbation muse

I always alter or change the names of the people in my stories.

The first thing you should know is I’m here totally naked, lovingly masturbating my penis to a beautiful Asian MILF friend of mine. It’s a beautiful session I’m enjoying while my wife is out of the house

My favorite masturbation muses are women I know. Most of them are actually good friends of either my wife or myself, or both of us. I enjoy their smiles, their sexy asses, their legs and feet, and just generally the fantasies that swirl around them in my mind.

Chin-Zen is one of those muses. She’s an American, but her parents were both born in China. About 5’3″ and 115-pounds. Black hair to her collar, and nice ass and cute legs and feet. Her smile is so sweet, with hardly a hint of her 49-years showing up in faint lines on her face. She’s a MILF with two elementary school age children.

I had met her husband, Jack, a year or so before I ever met Chin-Zen. I finally met her one night when my wife Cheryl and I were at some cocktail party and Jack and Chin-Zen were there. She had on this cute, very short cocktail dress and high-heel sandals. The first thing I thought of when I saw her? I’ve got to masturbate to her!”
When we got home that night, I wanted to masturbate and think nothing of Chin-Zen while I masturbated. Cheryl wanted to fuck so I reluctantly agreed, but it was more like masturbating in her vagina because all I was thinking about was Chin-Zen. I had to bite my tongue to keep from call out her name.

Cheryl knows how much of a masturbator I am, but I better get her name right during sex!

That was about 10 or 11 years ago. Since then, we two couples have been very good friends. We live about an hour apart, so don’t see each other more than a few times per year, but we always have an enjoyable time with Jack and ChinZen. Cheryl or I always manage to take some pictures, and I often use those in my masturbation sessions. Chin-Zen in shorts, Chin-Zen in a swimsuit, Chin-Zen in a sexy dress, Chin-Zen just smiling at the camera; all give me so much pleasure during masturbation.

To be honest, I haven’t masturbated to Chin-Zen much in the past couple of years. Why? Well, we just haven’t seen her and her husband that often. Out of site, out of mind.

So why am I sitting here now, naked, with my cock in my hand and moaning Chin-Zen’s name while I gaze at her pics?

Chin-Zen appeared twice in dreams I had last night. In the first, we met her and Jack somewhere, and Chin-Zen and I were fiddling with our cameras. I kept thinking, “Mmmm..I’m going to get some more pictures of her.” I woke up before that dream went any further.

After I fell back to sleep, I dreamt that I was visiting Jack in a condo or apartment they were renting. Cheryl showed up a little later, and we all started talking about what we would do when Chin-Zen arrived. I don’t remember exactly what was said, but there was an air of sexual expectation.

The three of us had changed into night-clothes. For me, this was underwear and a white terry-cloth robe. Jack and Cheryl had something similar. We lounged around waiting for Chin-Zen. Sheryl and I cuddled on a chair, my cock stiffening at the thought of my Chinese-American friend’s arrival.

Soon, we decided we would lay on the bed to wait. The three of us were kind of draped over each other. I kept thinking about what would happen when Chin-Zen arrived. We would all probably get naked. She would see the hard cock that I pump while thinking about her. I might get to masturbate in front of her and the group. Perhaps we would do a foursome. Or a threesome in various configurations, with one of us masturbating while watching the other three groping, sucking, and fucking.

For some reason, I got up and checked through the window for Chin-Zen. When I went back to the bed, Jack and Cheryl were up but getting more comfortable. They stripped off their robes and laid back down in their underwear.

My cock was raging-hard at this time, and I took a chance. Off came the robe and my underwear! My heart beat as I was naked before them, my masturbator’s penis pointing skyward. As I climbed on the bed, Jack and Cheryl followed my cue. Off came the undies, and the three of us lay there naked. I rubbed my cock against Cheryl, while Jack lay next to us awaiting his wife. I didn’t want him to feel left out, and I thought about reaching over to fondle his cock. (A true masturbator always is willing to help another masturbator, regardless of their sex.) I wasn’t sure how well this would be received, so I just placed a hand on Jack’s thigh. He didn’t seem to mind.

Alas, we were waiting for Godot. Chin-Zen never arrived, and I woke up very horny. Cheryl was still sleeping beside me, and I gently pumped my cock as not to wake her. She finally got up, dressed and went out to meet a girlfriend. I raced to the computer, pulled up pictures of a smiling, scantily clad Chin-Zen and have been here in blissful masturbation ever since.

I’m about to cum now. This feels so good I could do it all day, but I’m trying to be a responsible masturbator and not give into my addiction. I waste enough time overdoing my wanking. I’m going to enjoy my muse a few more minutes, have a nice, long orgasm over Chin-Zen then get on with my day.

However, you can bet that the sexy Asian MILF Chin-Zen will be back in my masturbation muse rotation for quite a while!

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Lauren, my friend, my lover, my masturbation muse

I was a sophomore in college when I met Lauren. She was a freshman, away from home for the first time. We began dating that fall. Sexually, I was still very inexperienced. I had never had sexual intercourse up to that point. In fact, I had never gone farther with a girl than making out. Masturbation was my only release and sometimes I wondered if I would ever feel the intimate touch of a female. (I was definitely a late bloomer in this department!)

Things would change with Lauren. She was about 5’10” with rather long brunette hair. She had a smoldering brown gaze and the cute figure of an 18-year-old. Lauren was just as sexually inexperienced as I but we would soon progress from kissing to manual stimulation. Feeling her pretty fingers around my stiff penis was so wonderful. Coating them with my creamy semen was even better. I love the feeling of my masturbation but the warmth of a female hand at that time was unequaled.

After we dated for about six weeks, I decided I needed to try oral sex. I wiggled Lauren out of her tight pants and went down on her with only the knowledge of what I had read in Penthouse or heard from the guys. The smell was sweet, the taste of her juices even better. My tongue swirled around her clitoris and I could feel it hardening as she moaned and squirmed with pleasure. I pursed my lips around her clit, feeling her orgasm. When she finished, I pulled myself up to her and we kissed long and deep. I didn’t ask her to reciprocate, thinking that would come when she was ready.

I ate Lauren out several times and finally coaxed her into sucking me. She didn’t know what to do and asked me how. I pretended like I knew and gave her some instruction.

“What do I do when you cum?” she asked.

I shrugged. “Swallow it, I guess.”

She sucked my penis like a pro. At least to a virgin who had never been sucked before, she felt like a pro. I came in her mouth and she sucked and swallowed my sperm down her pretty, long throat.

Lauren and I broke up not long after that. I was crushed. I would masturbate, pretending my hand was Lauren’s. It wasn’t the same, of course. We went to a small college so we saw one another nearly every day, which was kind of tough. Time went by. I found other girlfriends and lost my virginity. Lauren dated a couple of other guys, lost her virginity and actually gained a reputation as a bit of a slut. I remember feeling empty that she was fucking these other guys but not me.

Gradually, Lauren and I became good platonic friends. There was a bit of an edge to our relationship, something like unfinished business lurking underneath. We never acted on it until my senior year.

It was January of 1982. I lived in a basement apartment a few blocks from campus. Students were just arriving back for the start of the second semester, and a huge snowstorm was bearing down on our college town. It was the Sunday before classes started and students seemed to be late returning, probably due to the weather. I went over to Lauren’s on-campus apartment to see if she had arrived from Boston.

“Hey, I’m glad you are here,” she exclaimed when she answered the door. “I was just thinking of coming over to see you!”

We hugged hello like old friends do, but I’m sure the same thoughts were going through our minds. Before we left for Christmas break, I had been over to Lauren’s apartment studying. We had a beer, and Lauren decided she should give me a back-rub. It got pretty hot and I thought we might “do it” that night, but I left with a huge boner and a wink from my pretty brunette pal. Feeling her hug, smelling her hair as we embraced in her doorway reminded me of that unfinished business.

“My roommates are going to be loud,” she said. “Let’s get a bottle of wine and some cheese and go over to your place.”

How could I not agree? Even if we didn’t end up fucking, I still loved spending time with a young woman who had become almost like a sister to me. How could I not want to hear her tell her silly college girl stories and gaze at that smile and hear her laugh at my jokes?

We walked to a liquor store, then over to my place. The snow had started coming down harder, and it was good to get into someplace warm. We tossed our coats on my bed and sat in the front room and cracked open the wine and the cheese, talking and laughing nonstop for more than an hour. We were getting a bit of a buzz on.

Outside, the snow was piling up against the basement window. Lauren laughed. “Looks like I might get snowed-in here!”

We laughed uncontrollably!

I wasn’t in love with her romantically, but like you love your best friend. However, that night I felt that sexual urge; that longing for her that I had contained for more than two years.

I don’t remember what it was, but for some reason at that point Lauren bent down from her chair to pick something up or do something with her shoe. When she did, her hand hit something under chair. That “something” was a stack of girlie magazines I had stashed there.

Let me add that even back then I was a huge masturbation freak. I had been having sex with a couple of girlfriends by that point in my life but I still loved the feel and thrill of my auto-erotic experiences. Nothing has really changed from then to now, but back then I never shared it with anyone. Today, I love being open about my sexuality and my masturbation. I love sharing it with my wife and with other close friends and people I meet online, and it doesn’t embarrass me a bit. However, at age 21 I was too timid about my sexuality and feared anyone finding out how much I pleasured myself and how much I enjoyed it. I feared I was the only one in the world doing it and would be a pariah if discovered.

“What’s this?” Lauren exclaimed as she pulled the stack of mags from under the chair.

“Uh….Uh….” I stammered. “Just some magazines I was reading.”

Lauren pulled out several issues of Playboy, a Penthouse and a few other lesser-known titles.

“Reading, huh?” she said as she gazed at me with this surprised but wickedly beautiful smile. “Mmmm. Let me see what you are reading.”

I felt my face redden and I wanted to run from the room. At the same time, I felt a hardening in my crotch and an excitement through my whole body now that my best female pal was discovering my intimate secret. She seemed amused and intrigued, not shocked and disgusted I might have feared.

We started going through one of the Playboys. I must stay, all jokes aside, that I DID and still do read Playboys for the articles; some of the best writing in the English language. Lauren studied the articles and said: “They write some really interesting stuff. A girl can like this.”

We got to the centerfold. “Wow, she’s pretty but she’s HUGE,” Lauren exclaimed as she looked at Miss January, 1981 Karen Price’s foldout. “All these girls have huge boobs.”

Lauren had put me at ease but there was still excitement in the air. Then, it got more interesting. She went to turn the next page but it was stuck to another. She ripped them apart, making a rather loud and noticeable noise. One of my masturbation sessions had resulted in the “sticky page” situation that guys joke about. As the sound of the paper separating echoed around my living room, Lauren looked at me with a faux-cross expression.

“Mm Hmm. I see.” A sly smile barely creased the corners of her mouth as our eyes locked.

I felt myself turning even redder. She went back to perusing the magazine then picked up another. When she got to a pictorial, she again had to rip the cum-stuck pages apart.

“Mmmm Hmmm.” She looked at me once again with her fake look of dismay, her pretty smile a little bigger. Lauren wasn’t fazed by discovering my spattered masturbatory cum, and it was exciting to realize this. We went through several more magazines together, finding several more stuck pages. Her giggles at discovering my masturbation habit weren’t mean; they sounded joyful. Here, through girly magazines on a snowy night, we were really getting to know one another even better by sharing this intimate secret.

We talked about the articles in the magazines for a while until that became boring. Finishing our wine, we were both very tipsy. Conversation stalled for a few seconds. Lauren looked to the window, now almost covered by snow.

“I don’t think I should go anywhere in this.”

“I don’t think you should either.”

Our eyes locked. Lauren grabbed my hand and we both stood. Quickly, she led me into to my bedroom. We stood a couple of feet apart looking into each other’s eyes. She started stripping first and I quickly followed. In a moment, we were both naked. I took a step toward her and we embraced and kissed, my erect penis pressing into her warm, taught abdomen.

I led her to my bed, pushed away our coats, and we lay on top of the sheets. I had fantasized about this moment for a couple of years. Lauren, now one of my best friends, was finally in my bed. I was about to fuck her. How could this go wrong?

Well, as most of us guys find out sometime, too much anticipation, nervousness, and eagerness to please can ruin such a moment. My erection slowly faded. Efforts to get him back were futile.

“That’s OK,” said Lauren, a clearly discernible measure of resignation in her voice. “Nothing would have happened anyway.”

I wanted to cry. How frustrating. Lauren pulled me close to her naked body and pulled the covers over us. She embraced me and kissed my cheek. The feel of her hands, her lips, her legs intertwined with mine brought me comfort. The sound of her breathing took me to another place. It was only a minute or two, but this moment of comfort had relieved my anxiety. I felt my penis hardening, filling with pleasure.

“Lauren,” I whispered, placing her hand on my member.

By the dim light shining through the window, I could see her smile widen. Her lovely fingers gripped my penis as if to offer her reassurance that it was stiff and ready to penetrate her moist folds. We kissed and began to again fondle one another. There was no turning back. Our tongues investigated each other’s mouth. My fingers rubbed her mound then discovered her moist slot. I used her moisture to prepare her clitoris then rubbed the region around her pulsing love button. Her fingers caressed my testicles as my penis throbbed and quivered above it.

“Let me grab a condom,” I said as I reached over toward the nightstand.

Lauren grabbed my arm. “Timmy,” she said firmly. “I’m on the pill.”

I let that hang there for a second. What a beautiful thing to hear! I smile at her and our lips met. We continued our prelude of foreplay. I positioned myself between her legs. On my knees, I aimed my hard penis toward her wet and waiting vagina. Lauren’s slender fingers ran up and down my member, then squeezed and helped me aim. I felt the head rub her outer lips. I pressed and gently slid into her. I lay on my friend and our tongues again became entwined. We moved in rhythm as the pleasure and passion swept us. I’m not sure how long we went, but it was a while. Lauren on top then me on top; on our sides.

Finally I felt Lauren reaching an orgasm. She shuddered and her vagina became incredibly wet, gripping my penis and squeezing it as if to ask for all of its semen. I soon gave it to her, bucking and shuddering as my seed was spurted deep into her wet womb. My ex-girlfriend, my dear pal and study partner was taking my cum inside her and appeared to be loving it. I loved giving it to her. We curled up together and soon fell asleep in each other’s arms as the snow swirled outside. Overnight, we awoke and aroused each other and fucked a couple more times, each one as good as before.

When morning came, we awoke and looked at each other. The wine had worn off but not our affection for each other. We smiled and then both laughed. We kissed each other on the cheek, then on the mouth and embraced! It was joyful.

Walking back to campus that morning, we got word that classes had been canceled because of the snow and ice. I got Lauren back to her apartment and we embraced long and hard at the door.

“That was wonderful. I’m so glad I stayed with you last night,” she whispered in my ear.

“I am, too."

Although I kind of hoped we might do it again, it was the last time we had sex. Lauren remained my good friend through college. A few years after I graduated, she came to visit me when she was in my area. We went to dinner, went dancing and then went to my home. Lauren slept on the couch.

When she left the next day, we embraced in my driveway. Giving me a long goodbye gaze, she said: “I always miss you so much. I’m so glad I came to see you.”

“I’m glad, too.”

I wanted to add “I love you”, because I did and I do. I didn’t say it, though. It might have been over the top. Our eyes and smiles and the touch of our hands said it.

In letters to each other, we usually closed with “Love, Tim,” and “Love, Lauren”. She wrote me after she got back home: “I keep thinking of you in that red sweater,” the sweater I had worn the previous weekend. That said “I love you.”

I love you, my friend, my lover, my sister.

Time went by, and we fell out of touch. Scant news would reach me from mutual friends. When the Facebook era arrived, we found one another. No big reunion. Married with two children and another life, she is occupied and so am I. I seldom go to New England, she almost never comes south. An infrequent poke on Facebook was our only contact for a few years. She hasn’t posted there in years. Her children are well into their teens. Busy with life, I suppose. Aren’t we all?

Writing this has reminded me of our warm friendship and our sexual discovery. I learned to not be so afraid of my sexuality and learned that sharing is exciting and beautiful. It’s especially beautiful with a dear friend. I’m going to masturbate thinking of Lauren tonight. I am going to think of that 20-year old I held and laughed with. I’m going to think of her discovering my masturbation secret, of her sharing her warm, moist and sexy body. I will think of her friendship so long ago.

I don’t know if Lauren masturbates and sometimes thinks of me but if she does, I think she will be wearing the same wonderful smile as I.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Caught masturbating by Denise at Seven Springs

I only consider myself an exhibitionist as far as I like to be seen by people who might be into exhibitionism and voyeurism. I try and respect the comfort zones of those who might not want to unexpectedly see a naked person engaged in solo-lovemaking.

Still, I masturbate often enough and in enough places that sometimes I get caught. And I’ve found that most of the time, the reaction of those doing the catching has not been negative. This story takes place at Seven Springs, PA about 17 years ago in a ski condo. I was there with my wife, her friend Denise (not her real name) and about six other people. We were spending a long weekend skiing and hanging out together.

Of my wife’s friends, Denise is a favorite in that she is a very good masturbation fantasy for me. Currently age 51, Denise has long dark-auburn hair, a slender but shapely figure, a very cute ass that fits nicely into ski pants, long legs she often shows off, and sexy, slender feet that are equally as beautiful in summer sandals or sliding bare across the condo floor, and a pretty slender face with a seductive smile. She and I get along really well, very much like brother and sister; it sometimes makes my wife jealous.

One night at the condo, everyone had gone to bed but I was a little restless so I went downstairs while the others were asleep. There was a Harper’s Bazaar magazine on the island counter in the kitchen, and it had a photo spread on the girls in “Sex and the City.”

The girls from “Sex” have long been masturbation favorites of mine. Sexy program with sexy babes! I especially like Sarah Jessica Parker but all of the women on that show have provided me with masturbatory relief at some time. As snow swirled outside near midnight, I found myself alone downstairs in the ski condo with pictures of this lovely foursome spread out before me. I gazed at the pictures of their seductive smiles, their sexy legs, and their pretty feet peeking out from strappy shoes, and began to feel that lovely urged to pleasure myself to their beauty.

All I had on was a t-shirt and underwear. I reached into my underwear and began caressing my penis. Soon, my erection was springing to life. Pleasure was coursing through my penis as I gazed at photo after photo. I was thinking that these photos were shot for a female audience for Harper’s. I wondered if any women were pleasuring themselves to the “Sex” girls. I smiled thinking that surely there were many other men doing the same at that very moment. My penis was now erect, and I started pumping my cock in a slow and steady rhythm. My underwear had dropped down around my ankles and I slipped out of them, entirely. Everyone else was in bed, so I thought.

I heard a noise and looked up. Denise was coming down the stairs which overlooked the entire ground floor of the condo! I froze as she turned and walked into the kitchen! I was behind the island, so I was blocked from her view from the waist down. However, when she was on the stairs she could have looked to her left and down into the kitchen and quite plainly seen what I was doing. At this point, I didn’t think she had.

I quickly pulled my hand away from my throbbing, pleasure-filled cock. Denise walked in, smiled “hi” and asked me what I was doing up. “Came down to get a drink,” I said nervously as I stood there, naked from waist down but pressing myself behind the counter to try and block her view. My cock was throbbing and erect, and pictures of Sarah Jessica, Cynthia, Kristin and Kim were open before me. As she walked to the fridge to get a drink, she could have turned around and seen me there naked with my hard cock but she didn’t. She got a drink and came over to the side of the island and we made small talk across the counter. She looked down at the magazine open before me and smiled.

“Watcha readin’?” Denise asked cheerfully.

“Ah, just something that was laying here.” I gulped as I said it. Had I been nabbed? Did she see me pumping my cock? Did she realize I was naked from the waste down behind the kitchen Island, a mere two feet from where she was standing? Would she tell the rest of the condo that she had caught me masturbating in the kitchen to pictures out of Harper’s Bazaar?

We made small talk for a few minutes. I had casually turned the pages of the magazine, noticing that Denise had noticed what I was looking at. I looked at her pretty face and noticed the slight wrinkles of her cute smile as she saw me turning the pages past pictures of pretty women.

“I’ve got to go back to bed.” She turned and put her glass in the sink. “Good night! See you tomorrow.”

Denise turned and walked toward the stairs. She had on a long nightie, one that a teen girl might wear to a slumber party. It showed off her slender, coltish legs. Her pretty bare feet padded along the floor, her red-painted toenails peeking out to me as her feet arched as she walked. My cock, which had never fully gone flaccid – I was nervous but still fairly aroused by all of this – was hardening back to full erection.

As Denise got to the bottom of the steps, she turned and said, with this WEG, “You can go back to doing what you were doing,” and giving a slight giggle, scampered up the steps.

She HAD seen me!!! I was at the same time horrified and thrilled. I love to masturbate and love knowing others know I do it! I love for them to see me. But as I said in the opening, I’m not out to offend unsuspecting people. I wasn’t trying to expose myself and my masturbation to my pretty friend Denise. I wasn’t sure how this would play out. Would she tell my wife I was downstairs beating my meat, instead of being upstairs fucking her? Would she announce it to the rest of the condo at breakfast in the morning?

As the next day dawned, nothing was out of the ordinary. Breakfast came and went. Denise was cheerful, conversation was normal and everyone in the condo went about the business of enjoying a wonderful ski weekend with friends. Cheryl, my wife, is a couple of notches below Denise and I in skiing ability, so Denise and I skied together most of the day while Cheryl went off with other friends.

It was a normal day skiing with my pal Denise. We followed each other through the trails at Seven Springs. I watched her pretty rear as she slalomed in front of me. Her sexy laugh and smile entertained me at lunch. The whole time, I wondered if she was thinking what I was thinking. Whenever she looked at me, was her mind filled with the image of near-naked me in the kitchen with my cock in my hand?

She’s never said anything more about catching me that night. She’s kind of like a sister figure but I always think of that time and masturbate to her. I masturbate to her anyway because she’s so darned cute and sex, but that episode in the ski condo always gets me even harder, always moaning Denise’s name when I masturbate to her.

I wonder what Denise does when she thinks about that ski weekend?:)~

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Dr. Lindsey Doe and "Sexplanations"

When I was perusing the internet recently for information about masturbation, I came across (yes, quite literally! lol) the Youtube series "Sexplanations" with Dr. Lindsey Doe. Dr. Doe is a very cute 30-something sex educator who is cute as a button. Not only has she become a masturbation muse for me, her series has become must viewing. If you are interested in learning about human sexuality in a low-key, fun manner then watch "Sexplanations." (Of course, the hot linking feature on blogger is not working so you need to copy and paste the links!)


Of course, there are a three episodes about masturbation! I have to admit I have watched them several times and have masturbated each time! Although not trying to be titillating, Lindsey is so much fun to watch and so cute that I can't keep my hands off my cock! However, the information contained in the web series is quite serious and quite good. Dr. Doe often quotes stats and observations that come from respected sex researchers and explains things in a straightforward, comfortable manner. She also goes over the physiology of sexual function, helping us to understand why our bodies do what they do.

A mother of three, Dr. Doe has a BS in psychology From the University of Montana and a Masters Degree in Health and Human Performance from the same school. She received a PHD from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Fransisco in 2007. For eight years, she taught a popular Human Sexuality course at the University of Montana until her adjunct professor position was cute for budgetary reasons. She still lectures on various college campuses and works almost full time on "Sexplanations," which updates about once per week.

The three episodes about masturbation are fun to watch and to masturbate to. I was kind of hoping she might address the issue of masturbation addiction, since many of us struggle with addiction. She does briefly touch on sexual dependency in a video about the affects of porn, but ever so briefly.

Still, give Sexplanations a watch. There is also a companion Patreon site that has buttons for a Facebook page and Twitter account. https://www.patreon.com/sexplanations

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Jerk Off Challenges on YouTube!

A Jerk Off Challenge for Taylor Swift?

(I can't get the links to work here, so copy and paste!)

I’m not exactly sure what the “challenge” is, but a number of Youtube accounts have popped up in recent months that feature videos labeled “Jerk Off Challenge”, featuring video of hot gals that many of us masturbate to. I love to masturbate to Taylor Swift, and stumbled across this phonomena while perusing for some sexy shots of the cute Ms. Swift. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Slc-Liaeio

It is exciting to see such a mainstream social media outlet hosting videos of this nature. While the posters are careful to avoid using the word “masturbation,” that is clearly what they are openly promoting.

Here is a video for the sexy redhead Jessica Chastain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9iTmNw73mM&spfreload=5

The following Youtube account, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTvAFdF09hFYPrgTjwPb56A , makes a reference to “taking your time” while watching the videos. I assume that means how quickly you cum or how long you last. This channel also advertises you can follow them on Twitter and Instagram.

As someone who loves to masturbate and wants to “normalize” attitudes about masturbation, I find this approach refreshing. I just imagine how many other guys (and some girls) are out there masturbating to something so mainstream along with me, and it makes me harder and makes my masturbation so much more enjoyable. Just google “jerkoff” (or jerk off) challenge and you will find plenty of this material.

Since I started this post with Taylor Swift, I think I will continue my masturbation session of the delightfully pretty and leggy Taylor! Please join me!

Sunday, January 1, 2017

The Masturbator I Want To Be

Note: an earlier edit of this story appeared on onania.org/asm

I have reached a conundrum about my masturbation addiction. I need to NOT be an addict. My happiness and well-being depend on that.

However, I remember the sage thought of “once an addict, always an addict,” and realize you can’t just stop being addicted to something. Alcoholics always call themselves “recovering” addicts, even though they may not have had a drop in years.

Perhaps like you, I spend too much time masturbating. That is time taken away from my family, from my work, from other pursuits that I enjoy wholly. I sometime begin masturbating in the morning and continue for most of the day. I don’t go to my office until late because that rush of dopamine is coursing through my body, making me crave it more. Then I am lost in that masturbator’s fog the rest of the day. Often, once I start, I can’t stop, and that is one of the true measure’s of an addict. I’ve lost a job mainly because of my masturbation addiction, wasted time, wasted money, and have threatened my business because I can’t stay away from my cock.
I need to change something, but this is difficult. Like any addiction, you just can’t turn this on and off.

I joined Your Brain Rebalanced and have found that to be helpful in focusing on what I need to focus on. Most of the other members there are totally anti-masturbation in any form. For an addict, this may be the only real path to take to gain control over their lives.

But here is my conundrum: I LOVE BEING a masturbator. It has become a part of my identity. It defines my sexuality, A masturbator is who I am.

How do I reconcile these competing issues? Perhaps by not letting them compete.

I’ve started reading a book entitled “The Slight Edge.” It is a good guide to helping someone focus on what’s important and improving their lives. “The Slight Edge” will not give you that trick or secret get-rich-quick formula to financial success. It will help you form a frame-of-mind to get yourself on track to achieve your life’s goals and be happy.

For a while I was trying to “beat masturbation.” What I was doing was beating myself up, and I was still beating my cock a lot. Going “cold turkey” wasn’t working for me. The urge to masturbate was too great, and although I would go wank free for a week or two at a time, I would always have this devastating “rebound” that would have me masturbating almost constantly for days at a time.

Most importantly, during these periods of no masturbation I felt like a part of me was missing.

So, I’m taking a different approach. Following some tips from “The Slight Edge,” I am making adjustments in my life. Things that lead me to stay at the computer for hours and hours pleasuring my cock, I am staying away from. Small things that lead to my overall happiness and financial well-being are important to me now in being a whole person.

And I am not going to stop being a masturbator.

I will define “masturbator” as someone who recognizes solo-sexual pursuits as socially acceptable and enjoyable, not something to be hidden and vilified. I love to masturbate and love sharing it with people. I have been outed to friends, acquaintances and business partners as a masturbator, and perhaps I’ve outed myself. I am not ashamed or embarrassed of what I am, and am proud to stand up and identify myself as a masturbator. In an age where gay and transgender people are standing up for who they are and their rights, this is only natural and right.

I’ll tell you a quick story. I won’t go into the gory details. Those of you who have read my earlier post, "Cammie, My Masturbation Muse...", have learned of this incident and more.

This woman (Cammie), who I thought was a friend of mine, decided to “out me” as a masturbator. She recognized me on-line at a photo sharing site where I post pictures of myself masturbating. I had posted pictures of a lot of female friends and other people I masturbate over, including this person. Nothing graphic but if you were one of my family contacts and saw the pics of me jacking off, you came away with the impression that I was masturbating to everyone on my photo stream. This woman contacted many, if not all, of the women I had posted and told them I had a private area with my masturbation pics, etc., and informed them about what I was doing over their pictures!

Of course, it was very fuzzy about how she came upon this knowledge in the first place. Perhaps she is an addicted masturbator herself, and was cruising masturbation sites when she spotted me. Very curious. ( I had always thought this woman had some weird sexual things going on in the first place. Whole different story for another time.)

Anyway, most of the people she contacted either thought she was a kook or they just plain weren’t bothered by it. Except for one other person, those that were bothered just kept it to themselves. Gradually, things filtered back to me and I realized a large number of people had heard from this woman and a few had ventured forth and found my pictures. Only one person ever said anything direct to me about my masturbation pictures; I will call her “Joy” for purposes of this article.

“Joy” is in her mid 50’s, about 5’7″, blonde, cute smile, blue eyes, nice legs and feet and ass that I LOVE to masturbate over. Four summers ago when this crap was going down, Joy and I were somewhere shooting video. During a lull while I was messing with the camera, she looks at me and smiles and says, “Hey, you really need a new camera for your porn pictures!”

I said, “What do you mean, my porn pictures?” Of course, I instantly knew what she was talking about. I felt my face turning red, but played dumb.

“You know, the pictures of you doing your thing!” With that, she made a hand-motion like a hand going up and down on a cock! She had this beautiful wide smile and a gleam in her eye.

I nearly fucking fell over, but continued to play dumb and treated it as if she was playing a joke.

“Oh yeah, my porn pictures!” I rolled my eyes like the whole thing was a gag. “The pictures really are terrible aren’t they? I do need a new camera for those.”

I felt myself blushing even more.

A few other people were within earshot and just looked at us like we must have had some inside joke among friends.

At the same time I was embarrassed in front of Joy, I was thrilled that she had seen the pics of me masturbating and was OK with it. And she apparently was also OK with the fact her pics were on my personal photo account, and probably figured it added up to me masturbating to her (which of course I do. A lot!).

She’s never said anything more to me about it.

More than six years later she is still a friend, although I don’t see her as often. I saw her over the summer at this large sporting event where we both worked. She came over to talk, and we stood and talked and laughed for a while. I gazed into her pretty blue eyes thinking these are the same eyes that were wide and disbelieving when she found my masturbation pics online. The same eyes that saw my hand on my cock and my cum shooting, then dripping down my fingers. The same eyes that read my captions about how much I masturbate, how I love to masturbate, and how I love to masturbate to women with nice legs and smiles and sexy feet and asses! The same eyes that saw her pictures in the G-rated part of my account and realized: He masturbates to ME! The eyes of the same woman who let me know she saw the pictures, but then is still my friend.

As weird as this may sound to some, seeing Joy and realizing that she and so many others know how much of a masturbator I am is a great turn-on for me and is very appealing. Most of these people have not changed the way they treat me. If they did, they would have to justify why they were curious enough to look for my masturbation pictures, and might have to reveal that they, too, masturbate and enjoy it. Perhaps this whole chain of events is helping them feel more comfortable with themselves.

So, I have decided I need to control my addiction. That will be how I beat it; not by “curing” myself by stopping all masturbation, but by finding an appropriate space for it in the rest of my life. From now on, I will not spend hours every day in front of a computer or lost in fantasy while playing with my cock. I will occasionally enjoy this wonderful sexual act, and will do it with others as well as post here and elsewhere about my experience. It will be an experience that will enrich my life and make me complete, not drag me down a path to self-destruction. I want to help others do the same.

That is the masturbator I want to be and will be,

I am a masturbator and I love it!

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Cammie, my masturbation muse and my nemesis

I came out of a restaurant in my resort town back in March and decided to walk on the boardwalk. It was dusk and it was abnormally warm for that time of year. The temperature was still around 70-degrees after being in the upper-70’s for the afternoon. For a masturbator like me, it meant there were plenty of females out in shorts and short skirts flaunting their legs. They were showing off sexy feet with fresh pedicures in strappy sandals and flip-flops. I had been taking in the views, waiting for the chance to go home and masturbate while visions of their loveliness danced in my head.

It was then I saw her coming across the parking lot and jumping up on the boardwalk about 40 feet in front of me. I’m not sure she saw me, but I think she did. It was Cammie. She had on capri-style pants and strappy flip-flops. She bounded over to the railing on the boardwalk to look out at the water without giving me a direct look. Even though the evening’s darkness was beginning to envelope the Island, the soft glow of the streetlights made us both recognizable. She pretended not to see me, and I pretended I didn’t see her.

I felt my penis stir at the site of this 60-year-old, sexy, blonde woman. But I also felt a dread that appears whenever we cross paths. You see, I have a complicated personal relationship with this woman who I’ve been acquainted with for more than 23 years. At times she’s been a friend, an acquaintance, an employee, a co-worker, a buddy, an adversary in a lawsuit, a stalker, and someone I avoid. Over most of the year’s I’ve known her, Cammie has also been one of my foremost masturbation muses. I would think about her cute smile, pretty blue eyes, sexy legs, nice ass, sexy feet, her breasts, her back, her voice. I have often moaned her name as I reach masturbatory orgasm.

I first met Cammie on a road trip with some friends back in 1993. She was newly divorced, in her late 30’s with two young daughters. I instantly fell in love with her cute smile and sexy body. She had this blonde bob-like hairstyle that she still maintains today (although it is frosted with more gray these days). About 5’3” or 5’4”, Cammie seemed small compared to her cute, tall, blonde friend Kelley, with whom she roomed on this trip.

I instantly developed a masturbation crush on Cammie that first weekend. The day I met her, I fantasized about her during sex with my girlfriend. It was like I was using Judy’s body to masturbate over Cammie. It was good, too!

There was something strange about Cammie. Even Judy noticed there was something a little weird.

The group of us was in a hotel room talking about what we wanted to do that evening. They had adult movies on cable at the hotel, something the hotel advertised. “We could watch a porn movie!!” Cammie blurted out.

We all laughed hysterically. Most of us in this group didn’t know the others very well, so the suggestion seemed like a funny and silly joke. After she mentioned it twice more, we still giggled but it was an uncomfortable giggle; a “this is getting a little weird” giggle.

“Kelley’s friend really wants to watch porn movies,” Judy said to me after we went back to our room to change.

After that weekend, I kept in touch with Cammie. I definitely had a crush on her and was masturbating to her several times per week. I would get out pictures I had of her from that weekend and pump my cock to gushing and pleasurable climaxes. I thought I might even ask her out, and after Judy and I broke up I guess I had the chance. I didn’t, though; just continued to use her as a main masturbation muse.

She still seemed to be a bit of a strange person. Attractive and seemingly intelligent, she also came across as a loner who had a difficult time genuinely becoming involved in friendships. She could be very outgoing and friendly one day, then standoffish and downright snooty the next. Kelley, who is a real sweetheart, seemed to be her only real friend. Except for one boyfriend in the late 90’s, I wasn’t aware of any romantic relationship she carried past a couple of dates.

Still, I liked Cammie enough to maintain contact with her and to be friendly toward her. Besides, I loved that smile that I masturbated to so often!

One day in late-summer, 2001, Cammie bounded into my office at work. She plopped down in a chair near my desk, crossed her legs that were barely concealed by her short skirt, and began to talk. My eyes drifted down those sexy, tanned legs to her pretty, pedicured toes, shown off by her barely-there flip-flops.

Cammie had an idea for a project that she wanted to work on part-time. She was well qualified to do it. We discussed the possibilities for a while. We hugged goodbye and then she left. Right away I masturbated over the sight of her. I cleaned up and started thinking how to make the project work.

A few months later we started our project together. It involved Cammie being a public figure and a kind of spokesperson, but she seemed eager to do it. She was 46 years-old at the time. Fit and sexy. Blonde and perky. She was my buddy and my masturbation muse. She wasn’t really making any money doing this. It was pocket-change but it would be fun. And it was fun. Cammie and I worked together on the project for almost eight years. I was her boss for the project but it never seemed like I was the boss, just a friend helping her put things together.

Cammie continued to be a major masturbation muse for me, and my masturbation infatuation with her only grew. I would masturbate thinking about her, masturbate over her pictures, masturbate thinking what it would be like to have her as a wife or girlfriend, fucking her or masturbating with her every night.

As time went by, her impression on me as a strange person grew. As hard as I tried or offered, she still held our friendship at arms-length. I could perceive that she hadn’t had a significant-other since her short-lived romance of the late-90’s. She seemed to be alone much more often than a person of her wit, intelligence and looks would expect to be.

Cammie also lived in a succession of rooms and rental houses, never for very long. Her daughters apparently spent most of their time with their dad, although she did seem to have a good relationship with them and still does.

In addition, I couldn’t really figure out what Cammie really did for a living. She was some type of psychiatric counselor and she appeared to work on contract for local agencies. The contracts seemed short and there seemed to be long gaps in-between. For a long time, she appeared to do nothing. Cammie would work some part-time gigs, that’s it.

None of these things alone would seem that strange, but together they painted an odd picture. My co-workers noticed her oddball nature, too, since they had to interact with her because of our project.

Reminiscent of the weekend we met, Cammie one day out of the blue asked if I would ever produce porn movies.

“Um,” I stumbled, caught by surprise. “I don’t have a problem with commercial porn, but I have no desire to produce it.” I went on to tell her about why and why not, and the pitfalls of that industry.

I do have friends in the porn industry but she wouldn’t have known that. It was just a weird thing to ask at the time and it added to my perception of her as a one-off goof.

However, our project rolled along as did our pseudo-friendship. I continued to masturbate to her a lot and was always glad to spend time with her, as it fed my masturbatory habit.

Then one day about six-and-a-half years ago, the bottom fell out of our relationship. She threatened to file a lawsuit against my employer and myself. I have to be vague because one of the results of the settlement was a non-disclosure agreement. (The names here are all fake, BTW)

Basically, Cammie seemed to have some sort of case because I had neglected to get her signature on an important piece of paperwork that is often considered vital for my industry. I must say that we often worked without that signature. I had asked our legal department (some woman who I realized later wasn’t that good a lawyer) for some wording or a correctly drafted document to cover our asses, and she kind of shrugged and ignored me.

It appeared Cammie was trying to exploit her situation. She found another woman to go along with her in this legal blackmail, another friend of mine named Jessa-Louise who worked with me part-time on another project. My personal relationship with Jessa-Louise was a little different than with Cammie, as Jessa-Louise and I had really developed a strong friendship over the years. I was crushed that she was going along with Cammie on this crap, but Jessa-Louise always seemed gullible and subject to exploitation.

Yes, Jessa-Louise was a huge masturbation muse for me, too, but she will be a story for another time.

At first, it was a threat of a lawsuit. Nearly a year later, Cammie actually had it filed. The solution the dumb-ass counsel at my employer came up with was to fire me and pretend like it was my problem, which made the problem worse. Even though everyone who looked at this case thought it was ridiculous and that Cammie had no legal standing whatsoever, we failed to get it dismissed. Her lawyer, a young woman new to her law firm who was trying to prove her worth by squeezing water out of a rock, managed to get a civil jury trial for the case.

I discovered that regardless of the actual legal merits of a lawsuit, civil juries are incredibly unpredictable. They often award large sums in cases that have little or no legal merit. The solution is to go to an appeals court and have the verdict reversed but that costs time and money.

“In just about any civil jury trial of this nature, there is about a 50% chance the jury will rule for the plaintiff regardless of the legal validity of that ruling,” my lawyer told me. “They could also rule against us and award Cammie one-dollar in damages, or award her two-and-a-half million”

My lawyer went on to say that he was 99-percent sure an appeals court would take about 10 minutes to throw the case out and void the first ruling. However, that process could take up to two years and would cost tens-of-thousands more than already being spent on the case. This is why, he said, insurance companies like to settle and be done with it. Such a case is also a distraction for a company trying to do business.

Of course, this is what Cammie’s attorney knew from the beginning.

In addition, my lawyer told me, Cammie and her camp was mounting some type of character assassination against me. He said this is common in a jury case, as the jury would be swayed by such an attack. More reason for a settlement to be reached.

This is where this story gets really bizarre. I discovered during the deposition phase that Cammie and/or her lawyers had been stalking me for quite some time, copying things from my social media accounts and such. It wasn’t until this episode was over that I realized that Cammie was doing this stalking for even longer than I had realized. Major parts of her story never added up from the beginning. Now it was creepy. Cammie, it seems had been smiling at me for months, maybe a year or more, pretending everything was fine between us while mining things in my Facebook, etc. to concoct a “plan” to get a settlement.

Not only that, but Cammie had apparently found several Flickr accounts I used to store photos and copied much of what was there. At the time, I had several such accounts I used to store and transfer both personal and professional pictures. There were about 13K photos in total. Most of them were of family vacations, boats, cars, young people, old people, friends, relatives, people at events, food at events, etc. Cammie apparently went through my accounts and copied all pictures that contained women and only women, ignoring the other 95% of the photos. As part of their character assassination, Cammie and her lawyers were trying to prove…. Well, I’m not sure what they wanted to prove except they felt displaying pictures of women on my account would put me in a bad light and force a settlement to her ridiculous claim.

What is really weird about this is someone would have to really search for my photo accounts. I didn’t have my name on them; I would have to tell you the URL’s so you could see the pictures. I did that with some close friends and professional contacts to transfer photos, but Cammie wasn’t one of them. There were a few clues on the pictures that made them searchable, but you would have to spend a long time searching and perusing Flickr to find them.

There were some other clues that Cammie had been stalking me that I won’t go into for time’s sake. Let’s just say creepy got even creepier.

During the course of this stalking, Cammie apparently found my masturbation photos on Flickr. They were marked “private” and only people with similar content were granted access. For a while, my wife Cheryl and I were really into this form of exhibitionism, putting pictures of ourselves masturbating and having sex online. As far as I know, Cammie was never one of our “Friends and Family” contacts. Other people could see pictures we put into groups on Flickr but you kind to have to have a special interest in masturbation or amateur porn to bother searching these groups. It is also time consuming.

It really makes me wonder if Cammie was a member or was perusing masturbation groups on Flickr. Did she find my photos, then start concocting her plan?

Apparently, part of her character assassination plan was to display nude photos of me with my cock in hand and to display photos of other people as part of the same account or stream. Of course, they were part of the same stream, but so what? It would make me look bad to a jury, that’s what, and would hasten a settlement, regardless of the validity of her arguments.

Cammie contacted some women whom I had pictures of on my account and old them about – sometimes showed them – pictures of me with my cock in my hand and then said they were next to pictures of them. That really was the case quite often, and yes, I masturbated to many of those pictures, but you can look at anyone’s photo stream and develop that conclusion, if you want.

Some of the women told her to fuck off. Many realized she was a kook and ignored her. Others didn’t know what to think but they changed the way they treated me. Jessa-Louise, the gullible girl who was part of the other project, decided to join her in the lawsuit, although she didn’t really appear to be wild about being part of it. Three women, Liz, Kathleen, and Joy, (who will be mentioned in other of my stories) did mention the pictures to me directly or indirectly, and either seemed turned-on that they were my masturbation muses, or only slightly annoyed that they were being dragged into my mess with Cammie.

Quite a few of my female friends and acquaintances wore big smiles when I was around. I think Cammie might have been contacting them anonymously to begin with, because none of it ever came back to her, and she wasn’t mentioned, but all of the girls seemed to know about the pictures. None of them said so, but I could tell something was up. When all of this started going down, many of them would come up and give me big hugs with giggles. I knew what this was about and it was so arousing to realize they had gazed on pictures of me totally naked, enjoying masturbation unembarrassed and unashamed. It was just a little too personal and embarrassing for most of them to talk about out-loud.

The masturbation photos were never actually brought to the table during the legal “discovery” phase. I think that’s because it would have been a little over the top and Cammie would have had to admit she was a stalker, something that would have undermined her intent. Their “evidence” was BS, they could show no damages and they had no legal basis for their claim.

Still, an out-of-court settlement was reached to get rid of Cammie and Jessa-Louise. They received a small fraction of what was demanded in the suit. After the lawyer got her chunk, Cammie and Jenna-Louise took home what amounted to be a good down-payment on a nice car. It turned out that Cammie herself was being sued by a creditor for an amount slightly less than her part of the reward, so I have to assume she used her settlement to pay that off.

The episode ruined my friendship with Jenna-Louise and whatever “friendship” I had with Cammie. I had to threaten to sue my douche-bag former employers, who threw me under the bus, just to get a small severance. It also cost me a job I really liked.

Was I totally blameless? No. As the insurance lady put it at the settlement mediation, Cammie had a reason to be annoyed with me and nothing more. I used some poor judgement but what should have been settled by a phone call or short conversation, became this drawn-out 22-month drama that caused me a lot of grief and ended up threatening the well-being of me and my family. This is the part that really upsets me.

In the meantime, I couldn’t masturbate any more to Cammie or Jessa-Louise. I only like to masturbate to people I like, and they no longer fit that description. Sometimes I would longingly look at pictures of Cammie, thinking how pretty I used to think she was and how I enjoyed her beauty so. Then I would start thinking about her lawsuit and I couldn’t do it.

Occasionally, I run into Cammie somewhere. We don’t speak to each other or acknowledge each other. To tell the truth, I’m a little scared of her. I don’t know what this kooky woman would do next and I want to stay away from her. She even moved across the bridge to my town, and that freaks me out a little bit.

At the same time, I’ve become infatuated with her. I look at her pictures and check her Facebook and Instagram and blog every once in a while, and people tell me about her. She still lives alone in a rental apartment but seems to have found a decent permanent job. She has a couple of side jobs that she seems to do well in. As far as I can tell, she is still a loner; outgoing and personable on the surface but untouchable underneath. I keep looking at her pictures and thinking about her, wondering what is going on in her mind.

Cammie is also still very sexy. Recently turned age 61, she still has a nice female figure and a cute smile. Seeing her in flip-flops that night on the boardwalk gave me an instant erection.

So, over the past year I have gradually started masturbating to Cammie again. It is kind of a perverse masturbation, as I end up moaning “you bitch,” instead of her name, or thinking about another person as I reach orgasm. But masturbating to Cammie is becoming pleasurable again.

I kind of feel sorry for her. I used to feel sorry for her back when we still had a good relationship. She was such an odd bird. I think she still is.

I dream about her sometimes. In the dreams we have forgiven each other and are friends again. It’s disappointing to wake up and realize it was a dream and that I am still a little fearful of her and that we have this negativity. I do want her to be the person I thought she once might be. To have a friendship with her I thought we once might have. That’s not likely to happen but I still think about it.

Since I am a masturbator, I make the best of it. I am thinking about Cammie again when I masturbate. I am gazing at her photos while pumping my cock, enjoying the beauty of her smile and sexy body. I try to put out of my mind the rest of my experience with her for a little while.

Her smile, blue eyes, legs, pretty feet, cleavage. Mmmmmm…Cammie, this feels soooooo good!