Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Cammie, my masturbation muse and my nemesis




I came out of a restaurant in my resort town back in March and decided to walk on the boardwalk. It was dusk and it was abnormally warm for that time of year. The temperature was still around 70-degrees after being in the upper-70’s for the afternoon. For a masturbator like me, it meant there were plenty of females out in shorts and short skirts flaunting their legs. They were showing off sexy feet with fresh pedicures in strappy sandals and flip-flops. I had been taking in the views, waiting for the chance to go home and masturbate while visions of their loveliness danced in my head.

It was then I saw her coming across the parking lot and jumping up on the boardwalk about 40 feet in front of me. I’m not sure she saw me, but I think she did. It was Cammie. She had on capri-style pants and strappy flip-flops. She bounded over to the railing on the boardwalk to look out at the water without giving me a direct look. Even though the evening’s darkness was beginning to envelope the Island, the soft glow of the streetlights made us both recognizable. She pretended not to see me, and I pretended I didn’t see her.


I felt my penis stir at the site of this 60-year-old, sexy, blonde woman. But I also felt a dread that appears whenever we cross paths. You see, I have a complicated personal relationship with this woman who I’ve been acquainted with for more than 23 years. At times she’s been a friend, an acquaintance, an employee, a co-worker, a buddy, an adversary in a lawsuit, a stalker, and someone I avoid. Over most of the year’s I’ve known her, Cammie has also been one of my foremost masturbation muses. I would think about her cute smile, pretty blue eyes, sexy legs, nice ass, sexy feet, her breasts, her back, her voice. I have often moaned her name as I reach masturbatory orgasm.


I first met Cammie on a road trip with some friends back in 1993. She was newly divorced, in her late 30’s with two young daughters. I instantly fell in love with her cute smile and sexy body. She had this blonde bob-like hairstyle that she still maintains today (although it is frosted with more gray these days). About 5’3” or 5’4”, Cammie seemed small compared to her cute, tall, blonde friend Kelley, with whom she roomed on this trip.

I instantly developed a masturbation crush on Cammie that first weekend. The day I met her, I fantasized about her during sex with my girlfriend. It was like I was using Judy’s body to masturbate over Cammie. It was good, too!

There was something strange about Cammie. Even Judy noticed there was something a little weird.

The group of us was in a hotel room talking about what we wanted to do that evening. They had adult movies on cable at the hotel, something the hotel advertised. “We could watch a porn movie!!” Cammie blurted out.

We all laughed hysterically. Most of us in this group didn’t know the others very well, so the suggestion seemed like a funny and silly joke. After she mentioned it twice more, we still giggled but it was an uncomfortable giggle; a “this is getting a little weird” giggle.

“Kelley’s friend really wants to watch porn movies,” Judy said to me after we went back to our room to change.

After that weekend, I kept in touch with Cammie. I definitely had a crush on her and was masturbating to her several times per week. I would get out pictures I had of her from that weekend and pump my cock to gushing and pleasurable climaxes. I thought I might even ask her out, and after Judy and I broke up I guess I had the chance. I didn’t, though; just continued to use her as a main masturbation muse.

She still seemed to be a bit of a strange person. Attractive and seemingly intelligent, she also came across as a loner who had a difficult time genuinely becoming involved in friendships. She could be very outgoing and friendly one day, then standoffish and downright snooty the next. Kelley, who is a real sweetheart, seemed to be her only real friend. Except for one boyfriend in the late 90’s, I wasn’t aware of any romantic relationship she carried past a couple of dates.

Still, I liked Cammie enough to maintain contact with her and to be friendly toward her. Besides, I loved that smile that I masturbated to so often!

One day in late-summer, 2001, Cammie bounded into my office at work. She plopped down in a chair near my desk, crossed her legs that were barely concealed by her short skirt, and began to talk. My eyes drifted down those sexy, tanned legs to her pretty, pedicured toes, shown off by her barely-there flip-flops.

Cammie had an idea for a project that she wanted to work on part-time. She was well qualified to do it. We discussed the possibilities for a while. We hugged goodbye and then she left. Right away I masturbated over the sight of her. I cleaned up and started thinking how to make the project work.

A few months later we started our project together. It involved Cammie being a public figure and a kind of spokesperson, but she seemed eager to do it. She was 46 years-old at the time. Fit and sexy. Blonde and perky. She was my buddy and my masturbation muse. She wasn’t really making any money doing this. It was pocket-change but it would be fun. And it was fun. Cammie and I worked together on the project for almost eight years. I was her boss for the project but it never seemed like I was the boss, just a friend helping her put things together.

Cammie continued to be a major masturbation muse for me, and my masturbation infatuation with her only grew. I would masturbate thinking about her, masturbate over her pictures, masturbate thinking what it would be like to have her as a wife or girlfriend, fucking her or masturbating with her every night.

As time went by, her impression on me as a strange person grew. As hard as I tried or offered, she still held our friendship at arms-length. I could perceive that she hadn’t had a significant-other since her short-lived romance of the late-90’s. She seemed to be alone much more often than a person of her wit, intelligence and looks would expect to be.

Cammie also lived in a succession of rooms and rental houses, never for very long. Her daughters apparently spent most of their time with their dad, although she did seem to have a good relationship with them and still does.

In addition, I couldn’t really figure out what Cammie really did for a living. She was some type of psychiatric counselor and she appeared to work on contract for local agencies. The contracts seemed short and there seemed to be long gaps in-between. For a long time, she appeared to do nothing. Cammie would work some part-time gigs, that’s it.

None of these things alone would seem that strange, but together they painted an odd picture. My co-workers noticed her oddball nature, too, since they had to interact with her because of our project.

Reminiscent of the weekend we met, Cammie one day out of the blue asked if I would ever produce porn movies.

“Um,” I stumbled, caught by surprise. “I don’t have a problem with commercial porn, but I have no desire to produce it.” I went on to tell her about why and why not, and the pitfalls of that industry.

I do have friends in the porn industry but she wouldn’t have known that. It was just a weird thing to ask at the time and it added to my perception of her as a one-off goof.

However, our project rolled along as did our pseudo-friendship. I continued to masturbate to her a lot and was always glad to spend time with her, as it fed my masturbatory habit.


Then one day about six-and-a-half years ago, the bottom fell out of our relationship. She threatened to file a lawsuit against my employer and myself. I have to be vague because one of the results of the settlement was a non-disclosure agreement. (The names here are all fake, BTW)

Basically, Cammie seemed to have some sort of case because I had neglected to get her signature on an important piece of paperwork that is often considered vital for my industry. I must say that we often worked without that signature. I had asked our legal department (some woman who I realized later wasn’t that good a lawyer) for some wording or a correctly drafted document to cover our asses, and she kind of shrugged and ignored me.

It appeared Cammie was trying to exploit her situation. She found another woman to go along with her in this legal blackmail, another friend of mine named Jessa-Louise who worked with me part-time on another project. My personal relationship with Jessa-Louise was a little different than with Cammie, as Jessa-Louise and I had really developed a strong friendship over the years. I was crushed that she was going along with Cammie on this crap, but Jessa-Louise always seemed gullible and subject to exploitation.

Yes, Jessa-Louise was a huge masturbation muse for me, too, but she will be a story for another time.

At first, it was a threat of a lawsuit. Nearly a year later, Cammie actually had it filed. The solution the dumb-ass counsel at my employer came up with was to fire me and pretend like it was my problem, which made the problem worse. Even though everyone who looked at this case thought it was ridiculous and that Cammie had no legal standing whatsoever, we failed to get it dismissed. Her lawyer, a young woman new to her law firm who was trying to prove her worth by squeezing water out of a rock, managed to get a civil jury trial for the case.

I discovered that regardless of the actual legal merits of a lawsuit, civil juries are incredibly unpredictable. They often award large sums in cases that have little or no legal merit. The solution is to go to an appeals court and have the verdict reversed but that costs time and money.

“In just about any civil jury trial of this nature, there is about a 50% chance the jury will rule for the plaintiff regardless of the legal validity of that ruling,” my lawyer told me. “They could also rule against us and award Cammie one-dollar in damages, or award her two-and-a-half million”

My lawyer went on to say that he was 99-percent sure an appeals court would take about 10 minutes to throw the case out and void the first ruling. However, that process could take up to two years and would cost tens-of-thousands more than already being spent on the case. This is why, he said, insurance companies like to settle and be done with it. Such a case is also a distraction for a company trying to do business.

Of course, this is what Cammie’s attorney knew from the beginning.

In addition, my lawyer told me, Cammie and her camp was mounting some type of character assassination against me. He said this is common in a jury case, as the jury would be swayed by such an attack. More reason for a settlement to be reached.

This is where this story gets really bizarre. I discovered during the deposition phase that Cammie and/or her lawyers had been stalking me for quite some time, copying things from my social media accounts and such. It wasn’t until this episode was over that I realized that Cammie was doing this stalking for even longer than I had realized. Major parts of her story never added up from the beginning. Now it was creepy. Cammie, it seems had been smiling at me for months, maybe a year or more, pretending everything was fine between us while mining things in my Facebook, etc. to concoct a “plan” to get a settlement.

Not only that, but Cammie had apparently found several Flickr accounts I used to store photos and copied much of what was there. At the time, I had several such accounts I used to store and transfer both personal and professional pictures. There were about 13K photos in total. Most of them were of family vacations, boats, cars, young people, old people, friends, relatives, people at events, food at events, etc. Cammie apparently went through my accounts and copied all pictures that contained women and only women, ignoring the other 95% of the photos. As part of their character assassination, Cammie and her lawyers were trying to prove…. Well, I’m not sure what they wanted to prove except they felt displaying pictures of women on my account would put me in a bad light and force a settlement to her ridiculous claim.

What is really weird about this is someone would have to really search for my photo accounts. I didn’t have my name on them; I would have to tell you the URL’s so you could see the pictures. I did that with some close friends and professional contacts to transfer photos, but Cammie wasn’t one of them. There were a few clues on the pictures that made them searchable, but you would have to spend a long time searching and perusing Flickr to find them.

There were some other clues that Cammie had been stalking me that I won’t go into for time’s sake. Let’s just say creepy got even creepier.

During the course of this stalking, Cammie apparently found my masturbation photos on Flickr. They were marked “private” and only people with similar content were granted access. For a while, my wife Cheryl and I were really into this form of exhibitionism, putting pictures of ourselves masturbating and having sex online. As far as I know, Cammie was never one of our “Friends and Family” contacts. Other people could see pictures we put into groups on Flickr but you kind to have to have a special interest in masturbation or amateur porn to bother searching these groups. It is also time consuming.


It really makes me wonder if Cammie was a member or was perusing masturbation groups on Flickr. Did she find my photos, then start concocting her plan?

Apparently, part of her character assassination plan was to display nude photos of me with my cock in hand and to display photos of other people as part of the same account or stream. Of course, they were part of the same stream, but so what? It would make me look bad to a jury, that’s what, and would hasten a settlement, regardless of the validity of her arguments.

Cammie contacted some women whom I had pictures of on my account and old them about – sometimes showed them – pictures of me with my cock in my hand and then said they were next to pictures of them. That really was the case quite often, and yes, I masturbated to many of those pictures, but you can look at anyone’s photo stream and develop that conclusion, if you want.

Some of the women told her to fuck off. Many realized she was a kook and ignored her. Others didn’t know what to think but they changed the way they treated me. Jessa-Louise, the gullible girl who was part of the other project, decided to join her in the lawsuit, although she didn’t really appear to be wild about being part of it. Three women, Liz, Kathleen, and Joy, (who will be mentioned in other of my stories) did mention the pictures to me directly or indirectly, and either seemed turned-on that they were my masturbation muses, or only slightly annoyed that they were being dragged into my mess with Cammie.

Quite a few of my female friends and acquaintances wore big smiles when I was around. I think Cammie might have been contacting them anonymously to begin with, because none of it ever came back to her, and she wasn’t mentioned, but all of the girls seemed to know about the pictures. None of them said so, but I could tell something was up. When all of this started going down, many of them would come up and give me big hugs with giggles. I knew what this was about and it was so arousing to realize they had gazed on pictures of me totally naked, enjoying masturbation unembarrassed and unashamed. It was just a little too personal and embarrassing for most of them to talk about out-loud.

The masturbation photos were never actually brought to the table during the legal “discovery” phase. I think that’s because it would have been a little over the top and Cammie would have had to admit she was a stalker, something that would have undermined her intent. Their “evidence” was BS, they could show no damages and they had no legal basis for their claim.

Still, an out-of-court settlement was reached to get rid of Cammie and Jessa-Louise. They received a small fraction of what was demanded in the suit. After the lawyer got her chunk, Cammie and Jenna-Louise took home what amounted to be a good down-payment on a nice car. It turned out that Cammie herself was being sued by a creditor for an amount slightly less than her part of the reward, so I have to assume she used her settlement to pay that off.

The episode ruined my friendship with Jenna-Louise and whatever “friendship” I had with Cammie. I had to threaten to sue my douche-bag former employers, who threw me under the bus, just to get a small severance. It also cost me a job I really liked.

Was I totally blameless? No. As the insurance lady put it at the settlement mediation, Cammie had a reason to be annoyed with me and nothing more. I used some poor judgement but what should have been settled by a phone call or short conversation, became this drawn-out 22-month drama that caused me a lot of grief and ended up threatening the well-being of me and my family. This is the part that really upsets me.

In the meantime, I couldn’t masturbate any more to Cammie or Jessa-Louise. I only like to masturbate to people I like, and they no longer fit that description. Sometimes I would longingly look at pictures of Cammie, thinking how pretty I used to think she was and how I enjoyed her beauty so. Then I would start thinking about her lawsuit and I couldn’t do it.

Occasionally, I run into Cammie somewhere. We don’t speak to each other or acknowledge each other. To tell the truth, I’m a little scared of her. I don’t know what this kooky woman would do next and I want to stay away from her. She even moved across the bridge to my town, and that freaks me out a little bit.

At the same time, I’ve become infatuated with her. I look at her pictures and check her Facebook and Instagram and blog every once in a while, and people tell me about her. She still lives alone in a rental apartment but seems to have found a decent permanent job. She has a couple of side jobs that she seems to do well in. As far as I can tell, she is still a loner; outgoing and personable on the surface but untouchable underneath. I keep looking at her pictures and thinking about her, wondering what is going on in her mind.

Cammie is also still very sexy. Recently turned age 61, she still has a nice female figure and a cute smile. Seeing her in flip-flops that night on the boardwalk gave me an instant erection.

So, over the past year I have gradually started masturbating to Cammie again. It is kind of a perverse masturbation, as I end up moaning “you bitch,” instead of her name, or thinking about another person as I reach orgasm. But masturbating to Cammie is becoming pleasurable again.

I kind of feel sorry for her. I used to feel sorry for her back when we still had a good relationship. She was such an odd bird. I think she still is.

I dream about her sometimes. In the dreams we have forgiven each other and are friends again. It’s disappointing to wake up and realize it was a dream and that I am still a little fearful of her and that we have this negativity. I do want her to be the person I thought she once might be. To have a friendship with her I thought we once might have. That’s not likely to happen but I still think about it.

Since I am a masturbator, I make the best of it. I am thinking about Cammie again when I masturbate. I am gazing at her photos while pumping my cock, enjoying the beauty of her smile and sexy body. I try to put out of my mind the rest of my experience with her for a little while.

Her smile, blue eyes, legs, pretty feet, cleavage. Mmmmmm…Cammie, this feels soooooo good!

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